confusion and frustation

i've heard things before. things i never wanted to hear. some of my greatest fears have been coming true. i've left some of the greatest friends just to be with someone who has hardly ever been there in my life. which is a big step for me. i want a better life but will this make that difference i've been sad and i've been happy. but happyness is never shown. my best friend and i are drifting apart so fast. i've left my mom for my dad. i've thought about doing things to myself i've regret doing in the past. i feel like nobody understands me but i know people do. these are problems that i face that other people have and are facing in their life. most people don't realize it but one little smile at a person one little thing by asking how a person is could make a persons day a whole lot better. i look at everything that's happened in the past week and i've just been depressed and sad. the only thing that's made me happy is music and lacross. i found my strong points that i need to use. that all a person in pain needs, a strong point that takes every thought away. that just takes you to your own world where noone can bother you. when you find that place stay there for as long as you can. friends can help you along the way but your the one that has to get through it. take one step at a time and don't rush. if you rush that one thing hurting will come back to haunt you. if i helped you comment this blog.

this is life

there is always someone out there who will hurt you over and over again. the sad thing is it's that one person who you will never think of to do that sort of thing. you think their gone but they really hide there untill that moment comes. your worse fear happens. one day you seem to be looking at old memories it could be a photo a song or even just a yearbook. something simple like that. then it comes that moment that's been waiting there for so long, it just explodes you don't know what hits you. you run to your room close the door and lie in bed pissed off, crying, depressed, trying to call or text people, wanting to be alone, yelling at someone for just saying "i'm sorry for what happened yesterday" or even just for no reason at all. you try everything you can but nothing seems to work. then that thought comes to your head, your thinkin of what to do. your mind is havin a debate, it's only once it couldn't hurt. 2 weeks later something new happens. your lying there again it angry with yourself thinking about how you cannot live no more, how your life is worth less. you keep wondering what makes you go on. once again you do that one thing you will regret 3 days later. i've become addicted to things like these, plenty of people can tell you that. as hard as it is in life there is so much worse things that could happen. i'm finally realizing what i have to over come and what i should not be afraid of. instead of worring about what may happening in the future worry about what is happening in your life right now. you may be worthless to yourself but to others you could be a happy ending. this is a person who i want to become.

your perfect

ok so a friend of mine(wow i'm always starting out with a friend) but she told me she thought she was fat. ok she isn't she looks frickin amazing. then i asked her why are girls so concerned with the way they look. her exact answer was cause that is how society wants you too look have you picked up a magizine. ok this is where i start going off on all the people who think havin a girl with the biggest boobs or a guy with the biggest penis. screw you guys. i think it turns me on more when my girlfriend walks up to me in sweat pants and a taking back sunday t-shirt and tennis shoes. i mean yeah i wouldn't mind every now in then i she wore a mini-skirt and low cut, but most of the time it's so much cooler to just know she doesn't have to worry about how she looks. sometimes it's ok to worry just a little bit but if you gained 3 pounds don't go crazy. this is why there are so many eating disorders. cause their so worked up. i've seen people go over board and i cannot see one of my best friends go through that and become that type of person. i know i could say so many more things about this but i can't think of them right now. i did a better job comforting my friend but this is the best i can do. text me at 757-358-4063 or myspace me at www.myspace.com/ry_an_12 to tell me what you think or if i helped you in the least bit.

days of our lives

this title has a meaning to this blog. okay so last night i was up worrying about a friend of mine. then it hit me. we all need to stop worrying about what is happening now. now i know it's hard and i also need to do it. i know i can annoying people with complaining about my problems. sometimes i need to know when i've crossed the line. back to my point. we all need to live life no regrets. i know sometimes we all wanna go back and we all say i wish i never did this or i wish i never did that. well now i've come to a conclusion. about 3 months after that your not going to think that anymore. your going to want to sit there and think about it and be like wow that was a stupid idea but i learned something from it. and then one day you'll completely forget about it. but one night you'll be sitting in a room or a bar and your buddy will be like hey remember when we did this and you guys will sit there and laugh. don't regret things unless it kills you or puts you away for life. nothing is worth regreting unless it is one of those 2 reasons.

this isn't one of my best but i wanted to say something to change the world